Only a Brain Injury Could Make Me Draw Martin Amis

Well, perhaps that's an exaggeration. I mean, I don't think I have a brain injury, and look what I've gone and done – drawn a whack of cartoons of this silly man. Never mind that I also draw and write for kids. Yikes – I must have a brain injury!

For those not in the know, Martin Amis recently made some silly comments on a BBC book programme called Falks on Fiction. In a nutshell, here's what Amis said that's got some folks cheesed off:

People ask me if I ever thought of writing a children's book. I say, 'If I had a serious brain injury I might well write a children's book', but otherwise the idea of being conscious of who you're directing the story to is anathema to me, because, in my view, fiction is freedom and any restraints on that are intolerable. I would never write about someone that forced me to write at a lower register than what I can write.

I can see why folks in the kidlit world would be offended by this, but really, this isn't the first time Amis has spouted such idiocy, and it certainly won't be the last. That's what this lad is known for. He says something stupid, and then people pay attention to him. We should all just ignore this wanker and move on to more important stuff. Unless, of course, Amis' utter wankerness inspires some creative fun. So it got me thinking: Perhaps Mr. Amis just needs to 'get into' some classic kidlit characters in order to truly appreciate the beauty of children's literature:

Hmmm...The Cat in the Hat, perhaps?

No, I think Amis is more Grinch than Cat in the Hat.

I bet deep down inside, Martin Amis has always wanted to dress up like Madeline...

 

You can never go wrong when you go Moomin, Martin.

 
Would you let this Pigeon drive the bus?

I wonder if Amis has ever felt like a Wimpy Kid...

If only Amis was as Curious as George, then he'd make the effort to understand the fine art of creating children's literature.

 
If you found this Bear at the Paddington Station, would you take him home with you?

 
We all know Amis was a Wild Thing in his youth, but these days? Meh.

 
I think Mr. Amis needs to take some lessons from the sweet and lovely Lola of Charlie and Lola fame.

Would Amis have to be Mad as a Hatter to want to write for children?

 
Meh. Enough of this silliness. Tip your hat to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum and let's call it a day.

My sincere apologies to all the authors and illustrators who took part in my silly fun – it's only because I love your work so much that I chose you as part of my spoof.

Comments

[Kate]

I too, as "Chorkie" posted, was absolutely appalled by this statement as my daughter, who is actually aspiring to be a writer to vent some frustrations with her own situation, has a brain tumor -- a "controlled brain injury" you might say. I strongly feel that a public apology is due to those who suffer from such maladies -- and perhaps Martin Amis should be more thoughtful in his public remarks before blurting out. I would have no interest in reading/supporting his work after hearing such a comment.
Kate

[Pnina Moed Kass]

Reading Martin Amis' comment illuminates the trues meaning of the phrase "brain drain." Pnina

[Douglas]

Your Mad Hatter is awesome.

[patricia]

Many thanks, Douglas! It's one of my faves...

[Gill Arbuthnott]

Sometimes the picture really is worth the thousand words... Well done Patricia, for skewering this daft little man so elegantly.

[Jennifer]

Priceless. Very talented illustrators here. Mr. Amis should be ashamed of himself.

[Leslieb]

As everyone knows, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Mr. Amis knows this as well as anyone in the world, and he's been using this knowledge forever.

Your take on the original Amis comment is absolutely correct (and fun at the same time) - he couldn't care less about what kind of reaction he gets, as long as he gets one, and regarding his own bad self, I don't care either.

My early morning started well, with a goodly amount of grinning at the wonderful cartoons.
Thanks a bunch!

[Shawn]

Well done! I particularly like the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum picture. It's not just the character reference, but the idea that he is beside himself that made me enjoy this most.

[Cipriano]

Such amazing drawings!
And Amis.... the ol' cantankerous fart! Don't get me wrong, I love him, but from afar, as it were. I only recently discovered his work -- I think that a lot of Amis's recalcitrance comes from being best friends with Christopher Hitchens. Again -- don't get me wrong I adore Hitchens -- but it's just that both of these guys are like.... constant shots of tequila with no chaser.
Harsh!
Amis would do well to listen to his fellow countryman, C.S. Lewis, who said, "No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."
Congratulation on your London notoriety and fame!
I'm wondering... were you invited to the Royal wedding as a result of all this hooplah?